You know how it feels lower than everyone else? Of course you do. At least once in a lifetime each of us faces this feeling. And I absolutely don't understand how is it possible to actually be confident.
In a conversation, I feel like the other person is either much smarter and wiser, or they're just laughing at me. Psychology states that it is a projection of yourself that you view in other people. Means I judge people? Yeah, positively. But that is not what I feel in return.
I am frequently wondering, how is it possible to overcome this unpleasant state? Get appreciation for what you do? Try your best at everything else, achieve things?
Problem is, no matter what I achieve, It's never good enough even for my family. I've been dancing all my life, and I do not remember one concert, that my parents were actually at. They're either busy, have other (better) things to do, have alot of work, or they're just not in the same country. Interesting.
Both of my parents are doctors in science, my older sister graduated her bachelor degree in biochemistry with a cum laude. But I am different, I am honestly not interested in those kind of things. My dream is to one day become a choreographer and have my own studio, with dancers growing before my eyes.
One other thing that bothers me, is the fact that my father loves me... conditionally, eventually, you know. He loves me for having good grades in chemistry or math, but never appreciates my knowledge of english, history and psychology. I don't have the highest possible results, but I'm trying my best. He says I'm not, he says: "You can be better than that".
Frustrating. Has been for a long time now. Final exams coming soon. Pressure, scandals, stress, all of it kills the emotional side of me. And my self-esteem just goes down a degree, every second.
But no matter what, I will keep doing what I want. And one day, they will see how happy I am with what I do, they will see my success, and they will be proud of me. I just hope so.
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